Gash is apparently a slang term for a vagina and a gash-hound is a man who is obsessed with sex. Where does this come from? Well, I would have thought the English word ‘gash’ meaning a cut or wound is a pretty good candidate. Not according to Daniel Cassidy, author of the atrocious book How The Irish Invented Slang. He thinks that when someone went out on a Saturday night in the slums of Noo Yoik looking for gash, they were really looking for the Irish gáirse, meaning lewdness. Words fail me. Really …

Cassidy’s mate Peter Quinn once wrote: ‘Danny Cassidy was the funniest, wisest, most learned, most generous, most electric, and least pretentious person I ever met.

Which is strange, because I thought Peter Quinn came from New York. The fact is, on the evidence of claims like the one above, you would have to have been raised in a cupboard in the Fritzl Suite under a house in a quiet area of Dumbass Lane, Stupidville, deprived of all human contact and fed exclusively on Pop-tarts pushed through a letterbox to avoid meeting someone wiser and more learned than Daniel Cassidy.

Cretin though he was, Cassidy must have been possessed of immense charisma to inspire this kind of self-deluding nonsense.

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