Following on the recent revelations that Mazel Tov derives from Irish, the Irish Milesian Academy For Intellectual Arts (IrishMAFIA) has released another bombshell. For many years, people assumed that Vichy water derives from the spa town of Vichy in France. Not so, says Brendan Patrick Gurne, Professor of Creative Etymology at IrishMAFIA.
“The word biseach in Irish means an improvement in health. A deoch bhisigh (joke vishy, a ‘drink of improvement’) is a drink that people take to recover from a hangover, a hair of the dog. It is easy to see how a term for an alcoholic drink used to restore health could be transferred to a non-alcoholic drink used as a tonic. The experts on English language admit that not all ‘vichy water’ comes from Vichy, or even from France. Merriam-Webster says: ‘: a natural sparkling mineral water from Vichy, France; also : an imitation of or substitute for this.’ It’s obviously from Irish. Our special Irish language consultant, the guy in the Blarney Stone bar who says he speaks Irish, concurs with our findings.”
John Weeney of the SoHo Aliens agrees.
“The claim that vichy water has any connection with Vichy in France is completely discredited. It is an attempt by Anglophile scholars to belittle the influence of Irish on American speech by linking American soft drinks with a regime which collaborated with Nazism. Anyone who believes the discredited claim that vichy water originates from Vichy in France and not from the Irish language is a self-loathing Irishman. Not only that but my father was an Irish speaker and I remember him talking about soft drinks and I’m fairly certain he once mentioned vichy. He was never in France in his life! Which just goes to show, this word must come from Irish!”
There has been a number of other responses to the claim.
“Espèce d’imbécile!” (You’re probably right!) said the Mayor of Vichy.
“Vous êtes complètement fou ou quoi?” (We endorse this message) said a representative of L’Académie française.
“This could be the continuation of a beautiful friendship!” said Peter Quint, Professional Irish-American.
“It’s a truly fascinating claim, a truth brought back from the shadows, like ancient roads emerging from a winter landscape, a veritable Tutankhamen’s tomb of linguistic archaeology. Though I’m not much of a one for mineral water myself. Speaking of which, did someone mention a free bar?” said Mallarkey McQuart, brother of the more famous.
“Begob and begorrah, sure and all ‘tis Oirish it is being, not the Frinch, and so say all of us what ‘as our roots in da Emrald Oil!” said Ned Lunch, practising some authentic Irish dialogue for his next novel.
“ANY ONE WHO BELIEVES THAT VICHY WATER IS FRENCH NOT THE PRODUCT OF THE IRISH CELT IS HELPING THE BRUTAL STORM TROOPERS OF BRITISH IMPERALISM TO RAVISH KATHLEEN NI HOOLAHAN IN FRONT OF HER BEWILDIERED AND STARVING ORFAN CHILDREN! EVERY TIME YOU DENY THE TRUTH OF DANIEL CASSIDY’S THEORIES A LEPRECAUN DIES AND IRELAND LOSES A LITTLE OF IT’S EMERALD COLOR AND BE COMES MORE LIKE FORTY SHADES OF GRAY. BUT NOT FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY. WELL A BIT. THAT DIDNT COME OUT RIGHT. IM CONFUSED. THE COSMIC RAYS MUST BE GETTING THROUGH.” said another guy on the Internet with a tinfoil hat.